Kitchen Table Team: Carl-Eric

Who am I?

  • pronouns: they or any
  • age: yes
  • recognizable by: blue or multicolored hair
  • queer in some way
  • gender: no idea
  • trauma survivor
  • ADHD
  • mental health not always great
  • privileged: white, usually perceived as male, tertiary education, full-time job

I had been organizing meetups and other events around the topics of polyamory and BDSM for years. In April 2022 I began - together with Rewan - to build a new community that was not just about these topics but also a set of shared values. This eventually became Kitchen Table.

My values

I want a community for polyamory and BDSM that is welcoming, accessible, and safe for everyone, but especially for those to whom our society doesn’t offer as much safety as it should.

Consent is an important part of this, but it is not often practiced in our society. Similarly, an awareness of racism, sexism and other structural discriminations is required.

To foster a culture of consent and safety, I want to

  • lead by example in everyday interactions
  • learn both from others and together with others, and share my knowledge and experience
  • center the voices and needs of marginalized people where they desire and not let them deal with the situation and its effects on their own
  • step in in cases of conflict to try and improve the outcome for everyone

I am aware that these are lofty goals and that I can only try my best in achieving them. I want to be accountable both for success and failure in this, and I welcome feedback on any aspect of this.

Workshops

I occasionaly offer workshops on topics like consent.

KEMS - My minimum standards

For my talks, workshops, etc I follow the Kink Education Minimum Standards (KEMS). The links at each bullet point lead to more information about the specific rule.

Code of Conduct

As an ethical instructor:

  1. I model visibly excellent consent in my classes. more
  2. I practice robust consent in my personal life. more
  3. I create an accessible and inclusive classroom environment. more
  4. I maintain appropriate boundaries with my students. more
  5. I do not use coercion to prevent anyone from sharing information about me. more

Mandatory Disclosures

I disclose every time in the last 10 years that I:

  1. Was convicted of any sexual or violent crime. more
  2. Was the subject of any type of restraining order. more
  3. Was banned from a venue, organization, or event. more
  4. Was banned from teaching at a venue or event. more
  5. Used coercion to prevent anyone from sharing information about me. more

I’ve adopted the KEMS code of conduct

As part of adopting the KEMS, I have chosen to disclose one relevant incident from my past.

Exclusion from an organisation

What happened?
I was excluded from an organisation for 3 months, for insulting another participating person.

My current understanding
It was a heated online text discussion about police violence. While trying to illustrate the systemic problem my choice of words was too personal and not abstract enough. It was not my intention, but with hindsight I can see that the choice of words was offensive.

What changes have I made?
I still stand by my position that systemic police violence is a serious societal problem. In the still important discussions about systemic issues I strive to not address individuals with a personal choice of words, but rather address all participants or listeners with systemic arguments.

Other relevant information
Due to other value differences and a lack of communication I did not return into this organisation.

I have written this disclosure following the KEMS recommendations.